Grief and Loss

Grief and loss are complex feelings accompanied by a range of emotions. The grieving process is a difficult journey from overwhelming sadness to anger and confusion. Often, we associate grief and loss with the notions of death; meanwhile, we forget that we experience all sorts of losses when we grieve. Loss is a natural part of life that looks different between people. There is no one way to grieve, but learning more about the presence of grief reactions can help to support our needs.

Understanding Grief

Grief is an emotional response to a loss (Pena-Vargas et al., 2021). As we process and deal with loss, we can experience emotions, including shock, intense sadness, and loneliness. Confusing emotions encompassing anxiety, fear, guilt, apathy, and anger may also come up.

TIP: It is important to give yourself permission to experience all those emotions. Allow yourself to feel sadness and maybe anger. Also, welcome gratitude and happy memories. The grieving process can accompany somatic and physical symptoms such as stomachaches, headaches, fatigue, weight changes, insomnia, and other symptoms (Pena-Vargas et al., 2021). It can affect decision-making, reduce attention, and have difficulty remembering (Pena-Vargas et al., 2021).

Unconventional Grief

A loss is the deprivation of something we value. It is important to acknowledge that loss is of significance to you (Pena-Vargas et al., 2021).

Types of Loss

  • Divorce or break-up

  • Medical diagnosis

  • Death of a pet

  • Loss of a pregnancy or fertility struggles

  • Moving

  • Loss of friendship

  • Loss of youth

  • Change in employment

TIP: Find ways to express the significance of loss. Write a letter or have a ceremony or other avenues as a symbolic representation of the loss to acknowledge it and let it go or work to let it go. It is crucial to validate our feelings and emotions during this time.

Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief exists before the loss occurs when you know a loss is coming (Kumar, 2023). Terminal medical diagnoses and parents or grandparents losing functioning. Anticipatory grief can be challenging to navigate.

TIP: Focus on the here and now. What experiences do you want to have with them now?

Disenfranchised Grief

Disenfranchised grief is feeling judged for experienced grief that stems from the stigma associated with the specific loss (Kumar, 2023). At this time, you feel unable to grieve openly. Society may not recognize your loss as an appropriate measure of grief. This can be difficult to work through by not feeling safe to grieve.

Delayed Grief

Delayed grief occurs weeks or months after the initial loss. It is common for delayed grief to occur when handling administrative and financial burdens after the death of a loved one (Kumar, 2023). It can be challenging to process and fully experience the emotion of grief while occupied by other tasks.

Collective Grief

Collective grief is noted as a group of individuals experiencing grief together (Kumar, 2023). For example, COVID-19 brought up collective grief all over the world.

Cumulative Grief

Cumulative grief included multiple losses within a short period (Kumar, 2023). The grief reaction can magnify.

Complicated Grief

Complicated grief is stuck in a grief reaction, interrupting daily functioning (Kumar, 2023).

TIP: Share what you are feeling with others. When addressing these emotions with others, seek emotionally safe people. If you do not feel as if you have anyone to confide in, Vaughan Counselling and Psychotherapy Paulina and Samuele can help support your journey through grief.

Grief and Anger

Anger is a normal reaction to grief (Pena-Vargas et al., 2021). How can we express anger through healthy avenues? Safe ways to express anger involve transferring emotions, such as punching a pillow, screaming at a pillow, or using artwork to express anger.

TIP: Write a journal and put whatever you want in the journal.

Coping through Grief

Finding strategies that feel helpful and natural to yourself while harnessing natural resilience and leveraging existing coping strategies is important.

Some questions to help understand your grief:

-What am I feeling right now? How has my grief changed?

-What are helpful activities that reduce the intensity of my grief?

-Where do I feel grief in my body?

Steps towards Healing

1. Acknowledge grief and its complexity while validating all the emotions accompanying it.

2. Making space and self-compassion. Take time for yourself, including caring for your physical health, such as eating nourishing meals and taking showers.

3. Take it step by step and day by day. Connect yourself to the present moment and recognize your capacity for emotions and what you can handle.

4. Reconnect with your routine.

5. Laugh and embrace joy. While laughing and happiness are often accompanied by guilt, they can be a huge part of moving through healing.

Kumar, R. M. (2023). The Many Faces of Grief: A Systematic Literature Review of Grief During the COVID-19 Pandemic. Illness, Crisis &; Loss. 31(1), 100-119. https://doi.org/10.1177%2F10541373211038084

Pena-Vargas, C., Armaiz-Pena, G., and Castro-Figueroa, E. (2021). A Biopsychosocial Appraoch to Grief, Depression, and the Role of Emotional Regultion. Behavioural Sciences. 119(8), 110. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs11080110

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