Control
The pandemic is a new concept that one did not predict and is unsure when it will end. As a result, we have lost a sense of control, which can be distressing.
Control is being able to know how a situation will play out. It is normal to want control. It gives us a sense of structure and can take away from the anxiety that unpredictability can cause. Control can feel quite liberating! But life is unpredictable, even without the pandemic, and putting too much emphasis on control can cause a lot of other struggles for an individual.
Control can result in sadness and anger when the outcome is not what you had wanted. With control, you limit your thoughts and perception and only see what confirms your beliefs (Berry, 2011). Control can create limitations to an outcome, where the result could have been better than you ever imagined (Skelly, 2020). Or you may get caught in using false ideas of control, such as alcohol, to try to maintain, i.e. your emotions; this fix is temporary and can lead to substance abuse, where you lose total control (Berry, 2011).
There are many reasons why one may particularly feel a need for control. Such as witnessing others benefit from having power. If they experienced first-hand, that control helped them to survive. Or if they had experienced a trauma where they didn't have control and believed that never to get back to that and overcome the trauma, they have to maintain control and regain the power that comes with control (“Control Issues,” 2019).
Control can be exhibited on oneself, such as through specific diets or exercise plans. On others, such as telling others who they can speak to, what they can wear, etc. Or the environment around you (“Control Issues,” 2019), such as cleaning and organising one’s room to maintain a particular order.
If you feel like you may exhibit a very controlling personality, here are some tips that can help
Write what you can and cannot control. Identifying it can help you know what to let go of versus what you should work towards.
Control may be used to ease your anxiety, but there are other relaxing coping mechanisms (Resnick, 2021) that therapists at Vaughan Counselling and Psychotherapy can recommend, such as meditation.
Journaling! When you feel that you exhibited controlling behaviour, write that moment down. It can help you identify the triggers and determine the reason for your controlling behaviour. Therapy can also help identify the reason behind your controlling behaviour and assist in the healing process and reconstruction of those behaviours (Resnick, 2021).
As mentioned, control creates limiting thoughts, and Cognitive behaviour therapy can help one identify limiting beliefs and the behaviours that follow and help change the thoughts to let go more. All the therapists at Vaughan Counselling and Psychotherapy are well trained in CBT.
Another modality many therapists such as Svetlana, Gauri and Hyunbin use are mindfulness. Mindfulness can help, as control focuses on the outcome, and mindfulness helps us stay in the moment rather than focusing on the future.
Some find help letting go through faith which Samuele and Joel can assist with. Faith does not necessarily mean religion but rather the belief that things happen for a reason and things will work themselves out (Berry, 2011).
References
Berry, W, (2011, June 06). Let Go, Br Happy. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-second-noble-truth/201106/let-go-be-happy#:~:text=In%20therapy%2C%20people%20are%20often,not%20fretting%20about%20the%20future.
Control Issues. (2019, August 26) Good Therapy. https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/control-issues
Resnick, A. (2021, November 15). Why Letting Go of Control Can Help You Enjoy Life. Very Well Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/letting-go-of-control-can-help-you-enjoy-life-5208817
Skelly, S. (2020, January 24). Letting Go of the Need for Control. American Addiction Centers. https://recovery.org/pro/articles/letting-go-of-the-need-for-control/