The Hidden Struggles of Co-dependency

What is Co-Dependency?

Co-dependency refers to an unhealthy level of attention and dedication to a relationship, where an individual’s personal, physical, and psychological needs are neglected (Springer et al., 1998). Individuals who are co-dependent typically prioritize their partner's needs above their own, often identifying their partner’s successes, failures, challenges, and moods as reflections of their own experiences. This behaviour is frequently rooted in a low sense of self-worth, leading co-dependent individuals to seek a sense of self through their partner, ultimately causing emotional and relational imbalances (Bacon & Conway, 2022). The underlying motivation for co-dependency often stems from a perceived responsibility to care for others, typically manifesting in caretaker roles. The causes of co-dependency can vary among individuals, but common contributing factors include childhood trauma, caring for family members with addictions, experiencing childhood abuse, and growing up in dysfunctional family environments (Bacon & Conway, 2022; Psychology Today, 2019). Experiencing unhealthy relationships during formative years can result in anxiety, stress, and insecure attachment styles. This often leads individuals to develop a "savior" complex, characterized by a strong desire to rescue others in order to feel needed and valued (Psychology Today, 2019). As a result, co-dependent individuals may exhibit controlling tendencies, feeling compelled to protect and care for others at the expense of their own needs.

Common Signs of Co-Dependency:

Low self-esteem
Engaging in self-criticism and perfectionistic behaviours
Difficulty establishing personal boundaries
Low assertiveness and sense of self
A strong desire to care for others
A tendency to please others to feel valued
A sense of responsibility for the actions and behaviours of those around you
Challenges in recognizing your own needs and emotions
A lack of fulfillment or purpose outside of a relationship
Feeling guilt or shame when prioritizing yourself over your partner’s needs and wants
A tendency to try to control situational outcomes

Is co-dependency impacting your life? Our therapists Laura, Micaela, Rasha, Lolita, Tara, and Zahra would be happy to help you. Book a free meet and greet online or contact us for more information at 647-267-9853 or admin@vaughanpsychotherapist.com.

References

Bacon, I., & Conway, J. (2022). Co-dependency and Enmeshment — a fusion of concepts. International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction, 21(6), 3594- 3603. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11469-022-00810-4

Psychology Today. (2019, November 25). Codependency. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/basics/codependency

Springer, C. A., Britt, T. W., & Schlenker, B. R. (1998). Codependency: Clarifying the construct. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 20(2), 141–158.